Contempt Can Lead to Marriage Problems, Divorce

One of the most significant predictors of divorce is unchecked contempt, according to a prominent marriage therapist.

Dr. John Gottman, the founder of the Gottman Institute in Seattle, Washington, has studied marriage for forty years and noticed a pattern when it comes to couples that don’t end up staying together.

Although anger can lead to serious disagreements and, ultimately, divorce, the good news is that there are ways to guard against allowing an argument to escalate. Dr. Mike McNulty, another marriage expert who works at the Gottman Institute, said that the key to maintaining a healthy relationship and avoiding certain marriage pitfalls is to be able to recognize the signs of contempt and stop it.

Signs of Contempt That Can Lead to Divorce

Contempt occurs when a person becomes annoyed with their partner. If you spend enough time with another individual, whether it’s your spouse, a different family member or a friend, you are likely to become annoyed at some point as the two of you disagree on a particular point or issue. McNulty noted that it is common for a couple to fight because “relationships involve ongoing, perpetual problems that will resurface.”

It is crucial to know how to deal with these annoyances, such as a disagreement about a mother-in-law or a financial matter, when they arise. When a married couple fails to properly handle arguments, divorce becomes far more likely.

McNulty suggests that couples should be open and honest about their feelings and engage with each other after an argument. However, it is still important for the partners in a marriage to have good timing and make sure that they don’t say anything out of anger. Instead, says McNulty, speak once things have calmed down.

For more information, read the Esquire article, “This Habit Is the Number One Predictor of Divorce.”

If you are thinking about filing for divorce in New Jersey, you need to speak with a seasoned family law and divorce attorney who can assist you through this process. Howard Mendelson of Davis & Mendelson is a knowledgeable New Jersey divorce lawyer who will protect your rights. Contact him today to schedule a free consultation.