Representing “Good People at the Worst”

Why Divorcing Spouses Sometimes Need “Client Control,” As Well as Legal Advice from Their Matrimonial Attorney

An ethical and competent matrimonial lawyer should be able to provide their client with more than legal advice; they should learn to compassionately yet firmly exercise “client control” whenever their client’s claims are unreasonable, hurtful to their children, and/or otherwise the product of emotions rather than a thoughtful, reasoned approach, focused on future needs rather than past discretions. While attorneys practicing in other areas of the law may argue that it is always in their client’s best interests for their attorney to zealously advocate their client’s legal rights; and while that may indeed be the case for a defense attorney in a criminal matter and/or an attorney representing a civil litigant claiming monetary damages, a family lawyer is and should be a different and unique breed of attorney; an attorney who not only zealously advocates for his or her client, but who also understands the unique circumstances of their client’s family and, as such, how their handling of their divorce may significantly impact our client’s future family relationships. While client’s objectives are always paramount, in family law settings, clients often need help not only to understand the substantive law, but perhaps just as importantly, the emotional and spiritual dynamics of their decision to divorce and assert their legal rights moving forward. “Winning at all costs” is never the right approach in a matrimonial setting; making progress toward settlement or trial while firmly demanding what our clients are legally entitled to, based upon the law and facts of the particular case, is the more appropriate method for securing justice in a family law matter. It is accordingly imperative for an ethical matrimonial attorney to advise their clients as to what they can’t do, as well as what they can do; clients should be counseled to make realistic requests of the court as opposed to requests fueled by hurt and anger; clients should accordingly be helped by their ethical attorneys to secure just and cost-effective results while, at the same time, remaining emotionally intelligent for the sake of their relationship with their children and, hopefully, their continued relationship with their soon-to-be ex-spouse. A “healthy divorce” is accordingly one that helps clients emotionally and spiritually, as well as legally and economically.